You never know what you have until it's gone. Many years ago, this sentence meant nothing to me. I had never lost anyone close to me. Actually, I thought I was immune to something as traumatic as what happened to me. Just because I thought I was immune,
Every group that I run starts out the same way. We go around the room introducing ourselves and tell each other how we were feeling as we walked into the room. I always stress to the group that they should try to use words other than good, bad or fine.
I'm about to write about something that has followed me through my life. Something that I continue to struggle with daily. I've been wanting to write about it for a while, and each time I think about it, resistance comes up. Going along with the theme
Honestly, I think the school system is so flawed. It is all based on excelling at certain things that most often do not translate into real-world success. We learn for years, just to enter the workforce and have most things that we learned not even translate. And on top
This week I start my Master’s of Psychology. What a massive milestone for me. From being that lost 16 year old boy who dreamed of one day helping others who were going through something similar to what I was going through, to now being over 2 years sober and
I told someone this week that my perspective has shifted quite a bit since I got sober and began my healing journey. He asked me what my perspective on life used to be. I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me this before and so it sparked this reflection
Last weekend I had the incredible opportunity to attend Myra’s Kids Camp. Myra's Kids Camp is made for children who are grieving the loss of a loved one. It is a completely free opportunity for kids between the ages of 6-17 to go to summer camp
A few weeks before I got sober, George, the main character from my first ever blog post, moved down to Madison, Wisconsin to live with me. The goal in him coming to live there was to make sure I survived long enough to make it to the end of school
The things that I live for in this life are; growth, novelty, challenge, love, play. The only thing that was missing from my 10 day Vipassana course was the play part. It was definitely not fun, by any means. Even still, it was one of the most incredible experiences that
For the last 3 weeks, I was a program leader on a Westcoast Connections trip. We went to the Greek Islands and Italy. It was an incredible experience; one that I am both glad I did and also glad is over. Four of us staff, were responsible for 35 teenagers
I've had a tough last few weeks. I'm not sure exactly what has changed, but I do know that I've been living in my head much more than I would like. I've been hyper-fixating on things that bother me; relationships, friends,
If I always waited until I was ready for change or ready to do something, then the truth is, I would still be in active addiction. Something that I learned from Steven Pressfield's book "The War of Art" is that sometimes, we just need to go
The weather is one of my favourite topics and also one of my least favourite. It’s a love/hate relationship. I love it because it allows me to practice acceptance. I hate it because why is it all that anyone ever talks about? The weather has been one of
For the longest time, I felt embarrassed by my body. When I was younger, I was very skinny and very small. As I began to drink more and more, I started to gain weight. Now, I wasn't exactly skinny anymore but I also had absolutely no muscle. Don&
So much of life is about perspective. I used to not understand this. I used to not understand how much weight it had when people would say you have two options: you can either look at the glass half full or the glass half empty. I never understood how profound
My inability to regulate and express my emotions was something that started very early in my life. I expressed one emotion and that emotion was anger. Saying that I expressed anger is probably an understatement. I threw temper tantrum after temper tantrum. Most of the time it was when I
May 10, 2024 to May 10, 2026. A lot has changed. I am two years sober today. It doesn't feel real. My dad asked me earlier this week how I was feeling as I was approaching two years and the reality is, I think I've been
My whole life I went from friend group to friend group, always blaming other people for the reason a friendship didn’t work out. I would find what I thought was my community and then inevitably act out in one way or another, blame them for the falling out and
Something that I struggle with being in recovery is the idea that I will always have the battle in my head of the pros and cons of using drugs. I am someone who will fantasizes over what it would feel like to do heroin or meth or crack or ecstasy,
Before I got sober, the time that I felt most alone was when I was surrounded by others. I remember vividly, one day, I was sitting in my room alone thinking about how badly I wanted to die. I was crying. I was unstable. I was high. I felt hopeless.
About a year before I got sober, I had broken up with my long time girlfriend, I started doing Xanax again and was also doing whippets and some cocaine. This was after two years of not touching anything other than weed and alcohol. That semester was also the first semester
On April 27, 2022, I smoked weed for the last time. I had decided a few weeks before that it was time for me to stop. I had a lot of trouble with it. I didn't put in any action, I didn't do anything differently. I
In December 2024, after 4.5 years of working towards my Bachelor of Science in Mechanical Engineering, I finally graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. At that point, I knew I would be putting a bookmark in that chapter of my life and it was time to pursue something
Up to the point of my senior year of college, in the 8 years since my mom died, I had basically been a straight A student. I never had any worries about failing any classes. I never even really had any worries about getting below a B. I have mentioned