Three Weeks. Two Countries. Countless Lessons.
For the last 3 weeks, I was a program leader on a Westcoast Connections trip. We went to the Greek Islands and Italy. It was an incredible experience; one that I am both glad I did and also glad is over. Four of us staff, were responsible for 35 teenagers as we travelled across Greece and Italy. This experience was extra special for me because I had never been to either place. While I had no clue what I was getting myself into, I definitely didn't think that my main takeaway from the trip was going to be so in line with the lessons I've learned over the last two years. It was another lesson that life presented me in the art of letting go.
As the trip went on, more and more learning lessons were revealed. It was deeper than just letting go. Early on, one thing that was apparent was the practice of detachment. Throughout my life, I was always so attached to all of the relationships that I have built and the outcomes of them. Do they like me? Are they going to invite me places? Do they want to hang out with me? None of these questions were relevant when thinking about the relationships that I made with the participants on the trip. Whether they liked me or not didn't really matter all that much. Whether they invited me to come hang out with them didn't really matter all that much. While these things were true, there was still a pretty special bond going on. One that I was able to be present for in the moment, and then when I wasn't with them, it was something I was able to let go of.
When I went to bed at the end of the night, I rarely questioned my actions and thought about what things I could have done differently in order to make a better impression. This is something that I am constantly doing in my real life with the connections I've made there.
Being around people of that age just has a whole different vibe. I am not comparing these kids to the people that I interact with in my everyday life, but there are a lot of takeaways that I can bring with me from this experience. Yes, it is easier to detach from a relationship with a 15 or 16 year old, but I still view it as practice and something that I hope to take with me into my relationships with people my age and older. It is now something I've gotten my feet wet with and now know what it feels like. That's the first step in making a change. I'm grateful this experience gave me that.
The other really cool thing about being around people where I have a detached relationship is that I didn't need to preform. I didn't need to act in certain ways for people to like me. I was able to be myself. I was able to be weird. I was able to put myself out there. I was able to be tired when I was tired. I was able to be energetic when I had energy. I was able to dance; something I often shy away from because of my lack of ability to dance. Of course, part of my job was to make sure the kids were having fun. In some ways, that brought out a performative side of me to help them do this. This performance, though, was very different than the mask that I put on around people that I want to like me. There was this cool balance that I was trying to find, how can I be performative to make them laugh but also detach from whether or not people were laughing at me. And once again, that word detachment comes up.
The trip had it's up and it's downs. Kids sneaking out. Kids being disrespectful. Kids complaining. Late nights and early mornings. A lot of walking in the heat. All of these things point to the same thing. Lack of control. While being in a position of authority, there is a perception that we have control over these kids, but as the trip went on, it became very evident that this was not the case. When things would go differently than how I would want it, of course, this would bring up an emotion, or a form of irritation. While feeling these emotions of irritation and being surrounded by 35 kids, it is easy to project that onto them. This was another practice that I was blessed to experience. The idea of giving up control and not projecting onto those around me. Like I said, some days, some moments were harder than others, but at the end of the day, it was my job to show up for these kids in a way where I was centred, not projecting. The practice was to take a step back and recentre. To ask myself why I was acting the way I was acting and if these kids deserved this projection that I was doing. The answer to that question was no, 10/10 times. Nobody deserves to be projected onto. It brings me back to the idea that my mentor once said to me; if you think somebody ruined your day, you're right, it was probably you.
While there were so many lessons and so much opportunity for growth on this trip, it does not take away from the amazing experience of being present in the moment while in some of the most beautiful places in the world. From scuba diving in Naxos to sea kayaking in Santorini to boating around the island of Capri to roaming the streets of Florence. I even got the opportunity to take some of the kids on morning runs in the different places we were visiting. This trip really was a once in a lifetime experience of both tremendous fun and also tremendous growth. The mix of those two things is what I look for in my everyday life and this trip definitely had all of that. I had no clue what I was getting myself into before, but I can confidently say that I am glad that I had the experience that I had. I am glad that I was able to show up as myself.
I did not need to preach to any of the kids about healthy ways of living or doing things differently, but I was hopefully able to lead by example.
There is so much more than can be said about my last 3 weeks, but I will leave it there. Thank you so much to my co-staff for being patient with me, listening to my complaints and my rants and making an awesome team. Thank you to the participants for bringing teenage energy and indirectly teaching me so many lessons. And thank you to Westcoast Connections for making this all possible.
