Avoid Using Good, Bad or Fine
Every group that I run starts out the same way. We go around the room introducing ourselves and tell each other how we were feeling as we walked into the room. I always stress to the group that they should try to use words other than good, bad or fine. Good, bad and fine are not feeling words. They are words that we’ve resorted to as a society to quickly answer people’s questions of how we are doing while avoiding vulnerability.
This is something I learned while I was in treatment. I really took it with me. When we got there, each of the clients was given a feelings wheel. Whenever we were asked how we were feeling, we had to pick an emotion off of the wheel.
It sounds childish, but it is actually an extremely useful tool.
The idea that we are constantly asking each other how we are and how our day is and simply responding with one of those, good, bad or fine, is truly crazy.
I wish true emotions were freely expressed in everyday life.
Emotions are really at the heart of most things that we are dealing with on a day to day basis and we don't even realize it. My therapist has helped me explore how some of my anxiety may be connected to emotions that go unnoticed. Given the amount of anxiety that is rampant throughout society today, I think it can be a really powerful thing to get more in touch with the ways we are feeling.
The reason emotions are such a big part of the work that I've been doing on myself is because for so long, I ran away from these emotions. I would avoid any feelings that would come up. Whether it was through studying, drinking, drugging, gambling or sex, I would find a way to bury my emotions deep inside.
The suppression of emotions did not only start in my active addiction, though. It actually traces all the way back to my childhood. When I was younger, I was extremely angry and volatile. At any moment, I could burst out into yelling and swearing no matter who was around. Looking back, I realized that I had so much sadness built up under this anger. Anger was easier for me to express than sadness and so that is the route that I took.
Getting in touch with my emotions is an ongoing process. One of the parts I am struggling with most is being able to feel the emotions in my body. There is a theory that emotions that come up can be felt in some physiological way.
One that I have nailed down is anxiety. When I am feeling anxious, I feel it in my chest. It is like a hollowness, an empty feeling. It almost feels similar to the feeling you get when going down on a roller coaster, but instead of it being in my stomach, it is in my chest.
The rest of the emotions, like sadness, anger, frustration, happiness and so many more, I am still trying to figure out.
Just like everything else, it is a process. The first step in the process is to find people in our lives that we can share open and honestly how we are feeling rather than hiding behind a good, bad or fine.
